Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Special Needs

So, we had the flu this weekend. It went like this: Miles signs for food. Miles pukes. Smiles. Signs for food. Cries because we won’t give him any. Fifteen more signs for food. Give in. Puke. Cries. Smiles. Pukes. Signs for food. Signs Tired. Pukes once more for good measure. Sleeps. Wakes. Signs “food” and kisses my elbow. Puke. Miles tickled pink laughing so hard because now I am puking and he thinks it’s the funniest thing in the world that I am making that sound over the toilet.

Joe comes home from a TV interview and asks, “How did I do?” I reply, “You looked” …puke … “beautiful” … puke. Me yelling at Miles to STOP crying for just a minute because I feel sick! Joe yelling at me to stop yelling at the poor sick baby .. Joe yelling at the baby to STOP crying so he can yell at me to stop yelling…What kind of mother am I??? Puke…Yell at Joe for not being sick…sleep. It was just your basic flu.

After I felt better, I started thinking about how a lot of this crazy life it obviously just being a Mom. I was thinking that I have a toddler (I’m going to stop calling him THE BABY) who has special needs, but I also have a 9-year-old with special needs because ALL kids have special needs? Zen, the one we call, THE OLDER BOY, is intensely smart. He needs constant challenges otherwise he spends all of his time playing video games or helping other people. He told me last week that he couldn’t decide if he wanted to go to the clinic with Miles or go take care of his ill grandfather? Which should he do? Could he do both? I asked him if he wouldn’t rather go to a summer camp for baseball or swim or something and he said he was too busy helping Miles learn new signs and that his gramps needed him. At first it just broke my heart that our lives seem to revolve around Miles and that I wish I had more time to learn with him about the math he loves or read him books…I think often how Miles’ needs will effect Zen and I worry and worry about it all.

My mother, the amazing Judy, covers therapy on Monday afternoons now so Zen and I can have three hours to go explore the world. So far all we have done is go see movies, which might sound like a horrid waste of precious time…But since we haven’t been to a movie together in over a year, it is simply delightful to hang for a few hours in a cool movie theater and not think about anything but pirates and penguins for a few hours with the other kid I have who has “special needs.”

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